Ding...Orders Up!!!

So friends, I like to consider myself a classy broad. I check my shoes for toilet paper when I leave the bathroom. I floss regularly. I mostly try to wait till noon to drink. Things of that nature...

Sometimes though classy just isn't going to cut it and you need to shake your hair out. Take my Christmas Day 2009 adventure for example. I set out with my friend, who I will call Bob*, with the purpose of having a big diner breakfast and then drinking the rest of the day away. Real classy. Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

If anyone has ever been sans family and hungry on Xmas Day let me tell ya...NOTHIN IS OPEN. Not even the Jewish delis...WTF!!!! I felt like the whole town had contracted the swine flu...not a soul on the streets, padlocked doors. So here we are...Bob and I...driving all over town (luckily 7-Eleven was open so I grabbed a Miller Lite....don't judge me) and I suggested we swing by Metro Diner. If ANYTHING was going to be open, it would be this place.
Metro Diner Restaurant is a serious diner. It's open 24 hours, it smells like grease...or lard...or a combination of both...its the self proclaimed "Home of the Hobo Special"...the waitresses wait to take your order until after their smoke breaks. Real deal right here people! And that's why it's got my heart. I like that stragglers always have a seat at the counter where they can chitchat with the cook. I like to feel comforted by a slick booth...and an even slicker floor. The coffee is like gasoline. The food is...well it's diner food! Read the sign folks...HOME COOKIN. For breakfast here I tend to order up anything you can slap on a biscuit. My friend Bob however was feeling a bit adventurous and went for the Christmas Day Special. I won't go into what that was but let's just say it was a big heapin plate of comfort and joy....with a side of pie. Eat up!! One little word to the wise....don't you dare refuse another cup of coffee, the waitresses take that personal. Say yes and smile like a good boy or girl, they just want you stay!

After wobbling out of the diner we started our search for the perfect bar to hunker down in for a little Christmas cheer. More driving around...now with a warm Miller Lite. Didn't have much luck considering it was 1pm on Christmas Day but we eventually found ourselves at The Goat, a Dallas blues bar and pretty much the only dive open early on Christmas Day. It was a Christmas miracle! Locals love this place and have been coming here for years (before it was The Goat). Nothin fancy going on here...wood paneling, a bartender over 60 with a Christmas sweater on, some sketchy drunks. But it has soul and lots of Merle Haggard playing. I felt comfortable immediately and proceeded to drink my weight in Jack Daniels so by the time we left I was real friendly. I might have danced alone for a bit. Good times had by all! I'm putting this on my list of places I definitely have to get back to, they have live blues almost every night of the week (and they pour a stiff drink).

Keepin it classy,

Britt


(*because I like that name and I know he probably won't like me calling him that)

Sunday Funday is an art form. period.

The perfect Sunday is hard to come by but we all know one thing...it involves brunch. You wake up Sunday morning (hopefully with your dignity) and say "Self, what shall I do today??" The little angelic voice inside you says "Oh it's about time you did some laundry. And maybe you should go for a run, you know you haven't exercised since last Thursday. And really...call your mother, she worries." All those things are fine and good and make you feel swell about yourself. But they are about as boring as watching Proactive commercials.

Just when you start to get all bummed out you hear another much more gruff voice (I like to call mine Earl) and it says "Trick please, you want about five bloody marys right now, don't even kid yourself. Eggs need to happen like NOW. And your mom won't want to chat right now, she's probably observing the lord's day and all. Call your buddy friends and get yourself to brunch. A day of Sunday fun awaits you!!!" So you do just that. You've already spent Friday and Saturday basically giving the finger to your liver so when Sunday rolls around this all comes very naturally to you.

For me the perfect Sunday has to involve two things. A) a GOOD bloody mary and b) recapping the weekend with friends via stories of who peed in their pants, etc. Without these two things my whole Sunday is off. I turn bitter and the aforementioned phone call to mom is not a pleasant one. In Dallas, Sunday brunch is bigger than Christmas. This is especially true in the summer months. It's the day to spread your weekend wings, enjoy the sun, entertain friends/family in town from (insert city), extend the previous night's bender, get rid of your hangover, the list goes on. Being a Dallasite now I've done extensive research into this category and what I always find at the top of Dallas lists is this lil place called Breadwinners. Umm, scu'me folks...their BMs (bloody marys) SUCK!! Anyone can squeeze a whole tomato into a glass and call it a sunday cocktail. And it's super crowded and not all that resonably priced for what you are really getting. Give me cheap eggs or give me death! If you are looking for Breadwinners onthis list turn back now before I really hurt your feelings. Sure, I'll still go there maybe once or twice a year when I'm too weak to punch my friends but I"M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT WHEN I DO!!! That being said here is my top five list, in no particular order, of Sunday brunchy brunch spots around town:
1.) TABC- Say what you want about Uptown but this place has jalapeno gravy and one of my favorite BMs around town (tangy, spicy, salty, mouth watering) so that's enough to put this on my list. The have all the traditional brunch fixins and an amazing patio that feels a bit like a treehouse. Don't go unless it's warm. The inside is depressing.
2.) Angry Dog- All hail the grease pit. Anything greasy you could possibly want to line your stomach you can find here. Service can be a little iffy sometimes ( I think the "Angry Dog" part may be referring to members of their staff) but the wings and burgers are awesome. Tons of beer on tap too.
p.s. This picture makes me laugh. That other dog is like "WTF!!!"
3.) Hattie's- Yes you have to maybe put on something other than last night's dirty underwear (not speaking from experience) but its SO worth it. I love the atmosphere in the historic Bishop Arts district (great for a little walk afterwards) and equally love the tomato-basil soup. It's all about southern comfort here. Antiqued silver, crisp white tableclothes, fried chicken, bratty children in Burberry. For a minute you may just let a Scarlett O'Hara accent slip out I do declare.
4.) Buzzbrews Kitchen- On a recent visit my friend told me I was dressed like I had escaped a mental institution. And it was true, I really did. But it was also New Year's weekend and I had misplaced the dress I wore no undergarments with and I was wearing someone else's baggy clothes and sandals in the 30 degree weather. All that being said I'll get to the point...this is a great family-friendly establishment. It's also open 24 hours so that means they see alot of crazies/drunkies at all hours. Around brunchtime you get a little bit of both....the crazies (myself)...and the families (everyone else). Good people watching. The staff is friendly and informational, and the menu is FUN! Every single thing that came out of the kitchen looked good. Loved the Mr. C eggs. Downfall: No bloody marys, they dont serve hard liquor. But they do have mimosa specials if thats your thing. If Shittake Mushroom soup is the soup of the day you are IN LUCK! (haha...I said SHITtake, get it?)
5.) Ozona's Grill and Bar- LOVE LOVE LOVE this place. And their is one extremely important reason why. Build-Your-Own Bloody Mary bar!! But not just any build your own bar...this one has options galore. And i'm a girl that likes options. Do I go horseradish and hot sauce today?? Do I add five pickles to that?? The answer is yes and yes. One lime or three? Is that shrimp!!!?????? The beauty of this is it's all about YOU. The food is also delicious. I've had more off the regular menu than the brunch version but I recommend the breakfast tacos, didn't actually try them but they look scrumpdiddlyumptious when my friend ordered them...I wanted to slip her some drugs and eat it all while she was passed out. I got the breakfast casserole, it was MEH (that means neither here nor there). Rosemary potatoes are a must. The other great thing is the patio TO END ALL patios that is pretty conveniently open year round. It also feels like a treehouse, something I hold in high regard. Maybe because I never had one, thanks alot Dad.

Honorable Mentions a.k.a The Little List That Could
- Vickery Park on Henderson Ave. This place rocks anytime of day or night. YUM.

-Capitol Pub also on Henderson Ave. The brunch is only served 11-3 which sucks if you are a late Sunday riser but they have pretty potent bottomless mimosas and a really good brunch menu. The Capital Omelette is delish!!

Happy eatin, ya'll. Make it a Sunday to remember....(or forget, depending on your level of fun)

* If you dont like bloody marys I bet reading all that really sucked for you. I apologize. But get on board. Seriously.

R.I.P Ships

Ships is not closed. Repeat: Ships is not closed. But this blog was written after the news from a friend of mine that it WAS closing. She thought the closed up look of the place meant they had packed their bags. Nope! Just the regular look of the place. So I'm running with this faux obituary thing as a sort of tribute. Enjoy!

I didn't really love you, you were more like the broke down caddy on the list of Dallas bars I've hunkered down in. BUT I was saddened by the news that you were closing. It has left a void in my life. It will definitely leave a void in my life. I will think back on you and smile for these particular reasons:

-Your barkeep...I will call her Bertha because she looked like a Bertha. Either way, she was old as molasses...really really old...and I think she might have tried to make smoking an Olympic sport a time or two, at least that is what her voice was telling me. Scary. But man, she could open a beer. And I sort of enjoyed listening to her stories till my eyes glazed over and I nodded slowly into my beer.

-Your decrepit wire rack of 10 year old potato chips that you try to pass off as bar snacks. Who is buyin those?! No, really, I would like to shake that person's hand for taking the chance of catching a deadly "old chip" disease because they had the munchies. Call me if you know.

-Your bar bumper. Yes it was a dirty vinyl bumper with rips and holes and stuffing coming out thats been touched by GOD KNOWS WHO but for some reason I just couldn't resist the urge to rest my head on it for a minute. I heart bars with bumpers. It means "I'm here to drink. You know that and I know that and I may fall down but you were gracious enough to make sure I'm not injured when that happens, god bless ya"

-Your cash only policy. Yes it was slightly annoying but I liked that you were like an old grandpa... set in your ways, not doing what the other young whippersnappers were doin with their fancy credit machines. Nope! You weren't changin for nodamnbody.

-Carpet. In a bar. In a bar thats been smoked in for a loooooong time. Didn't smell too great. But you had it.

For these reasons I raise my can of Keystone and say cheers to you, Ships! You will be missed.

Ships

Ross Avenue @ Greenville Ave.

Open Letter to D Magazine

Dear D Magazine,

Seriously!!

I like you alot for the most part but I (we, the people) have one bone to pick with you.

Stop posting pictures of oompa loompas and calling it Nightlife photos!!! We cannot be tricked into looking at them every week! Orange people scare us and we are tired of being frightened by their tanorexic shots. Please and thank you!